How to Write a Book: Swearing and Writing

As a precursor to this subject, I'll tell you a story.

It was a hot summer day in nineteen seventy-six and my neighborhood was having a block party. Mrs. Borsha was an elegant woman, dressed like Jackie Onassis in a Pucci-inspired dress and she arrived bearing a gorgeous fruit salad carved out of a watermelon. It was a work of art. She sat it on the communal table and lit a cigarette as she chatted with neighbors. When loud-mouthed Mr. Wiegel arrived reeking of beer and began trying to move things around on the table, he knocked a tray of hotdogs to the pavement causing outcries of alarm which he waved away with a meaty paw of dismissal before reaching to move the fruit salad. Mrs. Borsha said, "Brian, don't you fucking touch that salad." You could have heard a pin drop. His hands hung in the air frozen and every single neighbor was galvanized. No one had ever heard Mrs. Borsha be stern let alone drop an f-bomb.* And she stayed cool while saying it. So effective. It became legendary there on Ridge Street.

My point is that curse words should have impact. They are particular arrows in your quiver. The f-word in Scarface becomes a blur and very quickly communicates to us the limits of Tony's language skills and drives home that he's always irritated "Deez f*cking guys!" or outraged, "You know what capitalism is? Getting f*cked!". 

The first thing to consider is whether expletives will offend your Ideal Reader. If so, then why would you want one in your book? Are you going to have a character say it to upset your reader purposely? To what end? Then there are perceived gradations of "bad" words. Some of them even cause me to wince when hearing/reading...and I'm a writer! The farther you slip down that gradation, the more likely you'll provoke your reader. So, can that be effective? Absolutely. I recall reading a romance story and the male love interest seems a perfect gentleman. Then we overhear him use the C-word. That one word radically changed who I knew him to be. One word. I'd say that is a very effective use of that particular arrow.

I love when a writer eschews curse words for made-up words like "Egad! Bullspit! Mother-fathers!" Or a delicious putdown a la Kurt Vonnegut's, "If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off." I like wit more than curse words but I reserve the right to deploy both.

-- Anna Erikssön Bendewald 

*Mr. Wiegel didn't touch her fruit salad.