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How to Write a Book: SHOW don't TELL

I often use violent language when talking to fledgling writers, and in the case of show versus tell, I use words like "grab" and "propel" and "drag". As in, "You want to grab your reader with this scene. Propel them into what's happening and drag them along at a pace that keeps em turning pages."

Ask yourself this one question:

    Do I like to experience occurrences or hear about them second-hand?

Most readers prefer the experience and were the type in school to crowd forward to hold and play with something during the show part of Show and Tell. Showing something and letting people experience it makes your story memorable. I recall Eric bringing his grandfather's Japanese sword to class (along with grandpa who held it). We couldn't care less as Eric read his explanation aloud. We were weaving our way closer and closer to grandpa shuffling like zombies reaching out to experience how heavy it was, to judge with our thumbs how sharp. Turns out, pretty darned heavy and wickedly sharp. Hey, it was the early seventies and seatbelts weren't a thing.

Writing Example: 

Tell: He got hit with a taser probe and tried to figure out what was happening as the police rushed in.

Or take us into the action:

Show: He felt a searing pain slam into his left buttock, taking his feet out from under him. Then a hot knife skittered down his left leg. I’m being stabbed? What the f*ck?

Two figures appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Gladys, one trying to press cloth to her face as she twisted and tripped on the blanket. There was the sound of breaking glass, then police everywhere. A woman was hollering, “She’s my daughter!” and others were saying, “Smells like chloroform! Get them away from that!” and Gladys was yelling, “I’m not your daughter, you dumb b*tch! Let go of my hair!”

He rolled onto his side and saw the tines of a Taser were rattling alongside his leg. He hadn't been stabbed. Grabbing the handle he depressed a button that retracted the probe with a crack.

Feel the difference? Don't tell us how a character feels. That is a label telling us, sad, lonely, indignant, etc.

Example: 

Tell: When he told her he'd made himself CEO she came unhinged.

Or show us what happened:

Show: No sooner had he uttered the letters C-E-O when her face contorted with rage and she hurled herself at him slapping and scratching as she screamed, "You'll never get my company! I'll rip you to pieces!" spittle flew in all directions.

To quote Lin Manuel Miranda here, ya wanna "be in the room where it happened".

-- Anna Erikssön Bendewald 





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